"Russ in Pieces"

whitened thorough, parched with sorrow, ample in salute,
awake, after time, committed slumber, forced to take,
tear-stained pillows line the walls of green and avocado crème,
till that day I slept for 'morrow, everlasting and obscene.

first nurse with sneer, with lip and gander, crooked, evil leer,
then a doctor, fresh from stream, from grass court, tears,
shed, myself the wielder, dark embraced, diluted fancy,
lost hopes and yields struck down with liquor, it reminds me…

down the hill in blue-gray fever led the truck, until I followed,
pedaled past hot winds of tilting sunrise, suddenly a smash,
my skull shook three ways to Sunday, my skeleton so hollow,
brittle more so under wheel…effortlessly I rewind.

up the Mesa called my path, toward a home of sour milk,
so up I pumped my treads, my wheels, upwards and away,
though marked and ready sat the drinker, pummeling the gas,
slicing away hidden marrow I could never again contain.

in that bed awake I pondered, knowing not my fate,
the blue Orc had wielded fire, the demon has lashed out,
my life, a faded memory inside, churning and alive,
sat in a filing cabinet, a central server, a number, fact.

to the world I had died over 19 years past, though officially not,
in the world of men and collated paper presents I a ghost,
remnant of another time, an urchin in the desert, a lie,
when I awoke after being marked dead, they were fucked.

some experiment funded by the rich no doubt,
my body figured waste, thus openly sold, spindled, sought,
relocated to a plastic hell still infected with ancient rot,
a smell of wasted years, the one thing my vomit fought.

no simple answers held the glass eyes of crooked men, insight,
no words of hope or even some form of deprived need,
all they did was stare past me to empty space, asleep,
their souls corrupted, sadly bought up by Ted Turner, Disney, Generic INC.

words finally hit my ears, uncertain fumblings which wandered,
they kept me struggling, was I still somehow asleep?
valley goth would be a stretch, prep yankee a total farce,
the mixture and the quantity, it all seemed so awfully harsh.

my doctor nudged away the male nurse, oogling his crotch,
thankfully one less tormentor shared my air, my space,
to think those men had washed me head to foot,
with sponge, soap, opened ample grins, like sin.

it was against some law if I was kept alive, under watch,
not allowed to die, to let my wet toes wander fully to sleep,
the kind that lasts a lifetime, and marks the only door,
as many before me had said, "one road kid, one road."

not sensing any joy in life, stained into my wet clothes,
I first tried to stand up, to make sense of things, to pee,
but my legs, the traitors, villains between me and inner goals,
fell limp, wasted, and dead…until I got a shot.

like unfrozen wounds left for dead, I was arisen,
my means applied to the challenge, I newly molded,
gray, old flesh my new vigor, trusted lines ever smudged,
my body was not as of old; not youthful, but rather due aged.

In seconds, the dawning of self ideal spread across my face,
as if I slapped with ice drowned petal, petal of granite stone,
no beauty but inside my beating heart exists, no past truths,
the world that would have been my jewel so shattered, I was alone.

silly deceptions struck my eyes, shining doorway opened out of wall,
in walked my hated nurse, with my desired meal, a feast,
some fruit, some juice, memories long since taken, food,
until I placed crumb upon my lips, foul mockery sat in its place.

guava-lime mixed with salmon puree, or so I guessed, great guess,
the nurse rambled off some menu, telling me what not I heaved, lost,
momentarily his eyes glazed over, his mind logging in getting data fresh,
he told me next the chef mistyped, it was really guava-trout-kiwi splash.

when my meal was returned from whence it came, I asked for real fruit,
an orange or apple, plum or pear, anything true to my former life,
later, brought to me via brown paper bag, was fresh fruit, juicy smooth,
down my throat the liquid ran, their blood and guts, until I was full.

after meal and thankful loss of crooked nurse, I was prepared,
to listen to denied flights, hear of insane sights, the reason and the rhyme,
also crooked grinned my doctor uttered grim apologies, hopes for peace,
till now I had no real idea of all the truth, just guesses and dim fears.

then is when my mind snapped, when my world began to clearly spin,
around an axis of alien symmetry my veins ran, my heart drowned,
sliced into slivered forms of tainted edge, my reserve was gone,
I lunged, I cried, the doctor ran and hid, shots again, it all began…