"cats seem to hate my killer dip"

I've been hungry, been worn and tired,
so tired I made what I could from the fridge,
I've mixed what I needed, what we had,
I made some awful things, even truly devilish dip.

First grab a tube of pork livers, Kahn's liverwurst,
then add delicious fire, Woebler's jalapeno mustard,
next some more joy, IGA's jalapeno mustard...again?
The reason is simple, jalapeno mustard is damn good.

Mix a bit and continue, slice, dice, and chop,
a good pile of Jalapeno peppers, fresh and ripe,
add ketchup, golden mustard, french onion dip,
and keep stirring, never ever stop stirring. dig?

Throw in some quacamole, cheese dip, sprinkle cheese,
add nacho-jalapeno dip, ranch dip, dijon mustard,
if you hate cheese then go to hell. I mean, fine...
I have no idea how you will make this awful mess.

You'll notice a few dips, a few products, made,
they taste great and are good filler. So add,
yellow mustard, chilli powder, black pepper, curry,
cayenne pepper, ranch dressing, parmessian dressing.

By now you should start to see the mass take shape,
it may be golden brown, it may be green or yellow,
the idea is to mix it all to the same degree,
whip and beat it until it's an equal consistancy.

Remember! Do not add too much of anything,
unless you're adding more jalapeno mustard,
but do add crushed crackers, cream chesse,
crushed cheese puffs, egg, egg salad even.

This is getting thick and then liquidy again,
add bacon-horseradish dip, more cheese,
sweet pickles, dill pickles, black olives, 
green olives, mushrooms. have you got it?

Good...now here's where it gets fun, enjoy,
this is the moment when your heart may burst,
add cooked hamburger, cooked sausage, pepperoni, 
assorted coldcuts, dill seeds, tomatoes, sugar and salt.

Mix, whip, and fork it to a puddle of mixed frauds,
every one of these foods is tame by itself.
Every item in this mix can also spoil the others,
so check everything first, make sure it works.

Once all tests have been ran to ensure freshness,
you know, tasting this, biting that, smelling,
put it all (preferably first), into a tub,
a large margerine container, and let it sit.

The tub can be your best friend in mixing,
it will make your job easier, this can stain.
You don't want to spill it on open skin,
and definately do not share it with the dog.

I reccomend you be atleast 15 years of age first,
and that your organs have fully developed, right...
The thing to remember is to mix like a bitch,
and add anything else that may add more good flavor.

There's no guarantee you won't die, or puke.
There's not even an assurance that this is not a plot,
a way to make you all die, fall weak to the knees.
Just say thank you when you taste how good it is.

Put it on bread, put it on crackers, enjoy.
Eat it with a fork, a spoon, a spork if you must.
Just don't, I repeat, don't feed it to the dog,
or any cats, because I think they will collapse.

You've all been warned, been told what I may,
share with you, a piece of my recipe-o-doom.
It's the main reason my stomach exploded,
sits in a jar all the way across the room.